Lonely (adjective): being without company; cut off from others; sad from being alone; producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation. Synonyms: solitary, desolate, lonesome
During the beginning days of social distancing, I reminisced about my two greatest moments of loneliness from my past.
At the age of eighteen, I drove off to college about five hours away from home. I arrived alone, with a few suitcases in my hands, without knowing a soul. Not a single person. Granted, I had communicated a few weeks ahead of time with my assigned roommate, but I truly didn’t know her yet.
The loneliness didn’t kick in at first – I was excited to set up my room and meet others living on my floor. But later that night…. I found myself alone in my room on my first night at college. I had been assigned to a floor with mostly second-year students, and the few other freshmen (including my roommate) had signed up for “Rush” (the social recruiting period of sororities), and they were off to parties to mingle. I’m not sure if I was actually the only person on my floor that night, but it sure felt like it.
Lonely: being without company; sad from being alone.
The second memory of great loneliness from my past came about thirteen years later and happened in a hospital. I just delivered my second son via a C-Section and was recovering in my room. Because of the restrictions on movement for those first 12 hours, I could not travel to the nursery where my son was being cared for. He was born with an air pocket in his chest and needed to remain in the nursery in a special ‘incubator’ while they monitored the dissolution of the air pocket.
I couldn’t go to him; he couldn’t come to me. I had waited nine months to hold this child in my arms, and I couldn’t even peer at him through the window. It didn’t matter that I had people all around me, my husband, friends, nurses. I couldn’t be with the one person I wanted to be with most.
Lonely: cut off from others.
What’s important to realize is that both of these events occurred before I had an intimate relationship with Christ. Had I truly known Jesus during my loneliness, I have no doubt – I would have cried out, lamented, perhaps even wailed words from the psalmist in Psalm 25:
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Psalm 25: 16-17
Now that I have the gift of retrospect, and the blessing of a relationship with Christ, I look back at these events with a different perspective. My memory transforms. The eighteen-year-old girl sitting in the bay window of the college dorm room is not alone. A peaceful energy rests beside her, His hand on hers.
The new mother in the hospital bed is not alone. A loving Father holds her in His arms, and simultaneously holds her son in His arms. Through Him, she and her son are connected.
The events of the past days got me thinking about loneliness, and wondering about Jesus – did he ever experience loneliness? Jesus tells us many times in the Gospel that He and His Father are one – which means Jesus was really never alone.
BUT THEN THE CROSS.
When Jesus took on the world’s sins – my sins – he became separated from God. He was cut off from the Father. I can hear his loneliness in the words from Mark 15:34
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
Jesus died a lonely man’s death so that I can have life without loneliness. His physical death was a journey of solidarity so that my physical death can be a journey with his accompaniment.
He had to walk through the valley alone so that He could be my guide through it.
During these weeks of isolation, quarantine, social distancing – I need not be lonely. I have my family and my dog for physical presence, and technology for virtual presence with friends and extended family.
But most importantly, I have my God. COVID-19 can not separate me from my Savior!
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Romans 8:35
Now is a time to realize just how empowered I am to combat loneliness on any given day, whether or not I’m in quarantine. I am capable of centering myself, meditating, praying, and connecting with God in an abundant, vibrant, life-giving manner. This is my vaccine to loneliness!
Quarantine doesn’t have to result in loneliness, it depends on how I approach it. Particularly if I stay focused on my connection to my Creator, His energy can continue to flow through me and out to others – I don’t have to be in close physical proximity to others to have my spirit interact with theirs. My spirit extends beyond my body and can touch another spirit without risk of infection!
In some ways, I’ve never felt more connected to the world. I’ve forgotten about our racial, cultural, social economical differences and now only see one commonality – a fight for life. Life as an entire body. If China dies, a part of the body dies, and life will lose some of its vitality. We, Mother Earth, are One. One organism with a plague we all must pitch in to overcome.
Overcome. That’s my theme word for 2020. God revealed the word to me last December. He knew I’d need a word to hang on to during the death of my father-in-law. God knew I’d need the power of this word to provide hope and strength as the virus spread across the globe. My God is faithful. He keeps His promises. As I shared previously, the scriptural basis of my theme word comes from the words of Jesus found in John 16:33.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
As I studied this passage once again in light of the current challenges, I was drawn to the verse that precedes it.
“A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home…..” John 16:32
WAIT, WHAT?
I don’t even recall reading those words before, though I’m sure I have. But now, of course, they have real meaning. I can relate. It’s happening right now – we are scattered each to our own home. Socially distanced. Quarantined. At risk for maximum loneliness.
But here’s the sentence that connects verses 32 and 33: Jesus says: “Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.”
I am not alone. You are not alone. Our Father is with us. Social distancing doesn’t change this truth. I’m not saying it will be easy, or void of suffering. All I know for certain is that my trust is in the Overcomer of death, my Savior Jesus. So even as the news changes daily, I carry a peace that surpasses the chaos, the anxiety, the uncertainty of the world.
Just as He did for me on my first day of college and on my son’s birthday, I’m grabbing hold of my Overcomer’s hand.
But first I’ll wash it for twenty seconds with hot soapy water!