Judgmental (adjective): someone who often rushes to judgment without reason; having or displaying an excessively critical point of view; people who live their lives as if everyone else should think and act the way they themselves do.
Synonyms: fault-finding, disapproving, overcritical
In my last post, I explored the idea of honesty. In this post, I want to live it out.
In recent weeks, I’ve taken steps to perform a self-evaluation of my character and to recognize my shortcomings. God brought a powerful insight to me: I am frequently judgmental. Perhaps my words and actions don’t demonstrate my judgmental nature, but my thoughts certainly do. These judgmental thoughts are putting up barriers in relationships and keeping me from being of full usefulness to God.
How does being judgmental show up in my life?
- In my actions trying to control others
- In my attempts to influence other people’s decisions
- In my thoughts of “If I was in that situation, I would do things differently…”
- In my disappointment that someone didn’t meet my expectations
- In my frustration that someone isn’t living life the way I think they should
- In the words I rush to give to someone about a “solution” or “recommendation” to their problems
- In my attempts to encourage someone to “improve” their life
- In my silence when I a disagree with someone else’s decision
Many months ago, I wrote about the word “Approval”, and was quite sincere about eliminating the search for other people’s approval in my life. But what I neglected to realize is that I spend my time giving or withholding it towards others, in other words, being judgmental.
Who am I to think I know what’s best for anyone?
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2
I don’t know a person’s whole situation. I don’t know what God’s planning and working on in their lives. I have absolutely no authority to judge, to advise, or to condemn another person. When I’m overcritical, I am displaying a lack of trust in God, and am missing the real opportunity before me: To Love Unconditionally. With no ifs, ands, or buts.
I need only concern myself with the log in my own eye, not the speck of dust in someone else’s eye! (Matthew 7:3)
By putting energy and thought into judging others, I divert my attention from the flaws in me. What I observe in others exists at some level in me too. How easy it is to see a “solution” for them, but not apply it to myself!
Judging others is an escape mechanism I’ve used to avoid my own reality.
Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn’t so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you’ve done. Romans 2:1-3 MSG
Now I’m asking myself these questions:
- Can I stop judging others and start trusting God more?
- What would my life be like if God removed this character flaw from me?
- Would I be a better agent for Christ?
- Would I be more compassionate?
- Could I help others feel more accepted in a world that keeps trying to separate, segregate and divide us?
In Sarah Young’s devotional book “Jesus Calling” on September 13, she writes this: Come to me and rest. Give your mind a break from its habitual judging. You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself, even the weather – as if judging were your main function in life. But I created you first and foremost to know Me and to live in rich communication with Me. When you become preoccupied with passing judgment, you usurp My role.
I don’t want to just change my judgmental actions; I want to eliminate the thoughts emerging in the first place. To start each interaction with intention of putting on “God’s eyes” and to listen with my heart instead of my mind. To walk “in the light”, I must look at other people through the lenses of love, from God’s perspective.
This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 1 John 4:17
I want love to be made complete among us. I want all of us to have confidence on the day of judgment. I want to be like Jesus. How do I turn these “wants” into reality?
Love.
Love without judging.
Love without “But” or “If only” or “If you’d just…”.
Love without conditions.
Love like Christ.
Would you pray with me?
Merciful God,
Remove this judgmental thought pattern from my mind. It interferes with the abundant life you created for me. It puts up walls around me, preventing meaningful personal relationships and friendships. Please eradicate my judging nature and replace it with the nature of your Son’s heart. A yearning to love all, to embrace all, to accept all with a love that knows no boundaries. A love that purely exists, that is not earned or lost. A love that expresses to others “You belong” and “You are not alone” and “You are precious”. Bloom this agape love in me! Show me how to Love Well, to recognize that we are all your children, desperately wanting to rest safely in your arms today and for eternity.
Amen