Powerless (adjective): devoid of strength; lacking the authority or capacity to act; unable to do something or to stop something
In the past several weeks (during my Hiatus – LINK), I’ve experienced several unusual dreams. Though they involved a variety of places, people, and events, a common theme surfaced – a sense of powerlessness. These dreams contained a fair amount of drama, urgency, anxiety, and risk. I was the one trying to “hold it together”, to exert control over the situation, to protect people and animals I loved dearly. And I was failing miserably. In each case, I awoke with a heavy burden of despair.
In my dreams, other people weren’t taking the situation seriously enough. I was trying to do everything while they stood and watched nearby. Still, I could never act fast enough, and that frustration became exasperated by my anger towards the lack of response by everyone else. I was frantic, worried, overwhelmed, frustrated, afraid…and felt alone through all of it. In one case, I actually started screaming and pulling on my hair I was so infuriated!
Interestingly, synonyms for powerless include handcuffed and paralyzed. Accurate words to describe my experience in these dreams!
Some might call these nightmares, and perhaps in some way, they were. But instead of leaving me with a foreboding mood, they directed me down a path of introspection. I became curious about what my mind was trying to “make sense of” in these dream dramas. And discovered they are helping me come to terms with my powerlessness in life and reinforced in me the need and desire to turn to God to carry me through.
I have no control over my family or my pets getting injured. Yes, I can follow safety precautions and employ techniques to reduce risk of harm, but ultimately, I am powerless. I have no power over other people, I can only control my own reactions to other people’s actions. Traumatic events are going to happen in my life. People are going to disappoint me. I am powerless over this…
But God has the relief and peace I need. By turning to Him, I gain a foothold. Through Him, I can direct the only thing I really can control – how I respond to the things I am powerless over. Through Him, I can find calmness, peace, serenity, courage, and wisdom.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint and strengthens the powerless. Isaiah 40:28-29
The benefit of accepting my powerlessness is that hopelessness tags along. Which is the driving force for me to turn my attention to the only place where hope is found…in my loving Creator. Only through constant sense of powerlessness do I come to depend on His power. My life becomes increasingly more chaotic and meaningless the more I try to exert power I don’t have. It’s like I’m holding a large balloon filled with air underwater. I grow weary of holding back the pressure. Or a major life event intervenes, and I can’t hold down the balloon while I’m dealing with grief or anxiety.
It gets harder and harder to hold it under water. I think over time I would build up the endurance, the strength, the will, the power to hold it down easier but the opposite is occurring. It’s becoming more and more unmanageable to maintain this lifestyle. It’s stealing away my productivity, my energy to serve, my ability to be present with those I love. I cannot help others when all my energy is tied up in “the struggle” over things for which I have no power.
What if I let it go? What if I accepted my powerlessness to hold it down? What if I decided not to fight it any longer?
What if there’s another way? What if I let God take it from me?
The Bible gives us examples of people with power…and exactly where that power originates:
And David became greater and greater, for the Lord, the God of hosts, was with him. 2 Samuel 5:10
So Jotham became strong because he ordered his ways before the Lord his God. 2 Chronicles 27:6
In another well-known story in the Gospel of Matthew, one of Jesus’ disciples actually walks on water just as Jesus has been known to do. This story reveals the source of power in Jesus Christ.
Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him. Matthew 14:28-31
Peter could only walk on the water while his eyes were on Jesus. He looked away, perhaps believed he was doing this amazing feat by his own power, realized the danger around him, and started to sink.
Moral of the story: Taking my eyes off Christ, believing in any way that I have the power only He has, puts me back into a state of despair, of hopelessness, of weakness. I sink. I flounder. I panic. I start to drown. I cling to past behaviors I thought could save me, but they only add to the load pulling me under.
As I process the events and emotions from these dreams, and study these Bible passages, I realize that the most important decision I can make each day isn’t what will I “control” today, but rather, will I turn my life over to His care today? And will I turn over the lives of those I love to His care today?
By answering “Yes”, I find peace. Power is way over-rated; I’d much prefer Peace.
Rather than denying or despising my powerlessness, I will embrace it! Powerlessness is not a stage of development, it’s a state of reality. God will use it to draw me closer to Him.
My need for Him creates an intimacy that cannot be developed in any other way.
The most important character trait I can develop: God-dependence.
My life depends on depending on Him!