Shame (noun): a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Several weeks ago, my dog suffered injuries that required her to wear a plastic cone around her neck to restrict her ability to lick her wounds. This device used on dogs is often referred to as the “cone of shame”. Honestly, I didn’t really understand why it would be called that, as my dog’s injuries weren’t something for her to be ashamed of… but then after observing her with the cone on for a few hours, I quickly understood: It’s called the Cone of Shame because of how the dog behaves WHILE WEARING the cone, not because of what caused them to have to wear the cone in the first place.
I have never witnessed a more pathetic being than my dog wearing her cone. Normally my dog is perky, curious, bright-eyed, and playful. But the cone caused some sort of other personality within her to come forth. Once the cone was put in place, she immediately put her head down, like REALLY down, hanging it so low, the cone was touching the floor. She kept backing away from the cone, like she was hoping to step out of it, escape from it somehow. Yet it followed her. Confused and disoriented, she became less trusting of me and completely not her usual self – her ears laid flat on her head instead of the normal perkiness. The light in her eyes was stifled, completely snuffed out while the cone was on her head. The Cone of Shame.
This experience got me thinking about the word SHAME. This cone encounter we observe with our pets is such a great analogy of how humans react to shame, it’s just that our cone is invisible to other people. But the effect of the cone is tangible.
Carrying shame is a heavy burden. It causes us to hang our heads, back away from others, and retreat into darkness.
As I witnessed my dog in her cone, and reflected on the word shame, I could feel the shadow of guilt trying to overtake me. A cone was trying to appear on my head because of the event leading up to my dog’s injuries. I was tempted to head down the dark path of questioning all of my actions, my decisions, that led to the moment that caused her injuries.
- Why did I walk that specific route today?
- I should have protected her better.
- I’m mad about the anxiety and fear I’m experiencing.
- I’m sad about the pain she is feeling.
- I’m disappointed in myself for not trusting God more to relieve this stress.
I sat down to pray, to journal, to process these emotions and divert the cone of shame from forming on me. God led me to Scripture:
The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Romans 13:12
Then I looked up the definition of the word shame and found this: “Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.”
I was able to come to terms with the fact that my behavior wasn’t “wrong” or “foolish”, and I needed to release any guilt over this event by handing it over to God. I deliberately “studied up” on shame, reviewed related scripture, and talked to God about it all. The journey into shame took me to a much deeper place than this one event with my dog….
A helpful insight I found in my studies on the topic of shame is this:
- TRUE shame is feeling guilty for my sin. True shame is to be brought to the cross of Jesus for forgiveness.
- FALSE shame is feeling dirty because another person sinned against me. False shame is to be brought into the arms of Jesus for healing.
I am writing about TRUE shame in this post. FALSE shame is no less important but would warrant its own blog post for sure!
In my women’s study bible, I found one of the weekly lessons was on the topic of shame, so I jumped right in. The foundation goes back to the beginning of shame, right there in Genesis 3, where Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit and are now hiding from God because of their shame. Normally, Adam and Eve would run to meet God each day, but on this day, they concealed themselves in the shadows.
I wonder…
Do I run to meet God each day?
Am I hiding in shame? If yes, why?
As I wrote about at the start of the year, my theme word for 2019 is SHINE. My goals are focused on bringing SHINE to life in my life. And a big part of that effort is identifying what’s holding back my shine. Shame is one of those barriers. I see the cone of shame much like a lampshade – its sole purpose is to dim the light!
I’ve held on to shame as part of my identity rather than letting it be washed away, never to return. I’ve put it at the cross, but then picked it up again as I wrestled with my identity without it. Who am I without the shame on my shoulders?
Hanging on to my shame sends the message to God – “I don’t trust you.” I am refusing the Gift of Grace. I’m disrespecting Christ’s sacrifice. He died for my sins. He died so I could confess and repent my sins. He died so I could have abundant life. When I continue to carry the weight of shame, I’m being held back from abundance.
Carrying the shame has become so comfortable that fear arises when I think about what abundance could flow into my life if I gave up this burden permanently.
Why should I fear abundance?
Merely because it is the unknown. My brain and body want to hang on to what is known, in other words, the behaviors that have gotten me this far in life without perishing. However, my spirit desires the abundant life He offers. How do I release this shame once and for all? I wrote about RELEASE several months ago, and even then, I wasn’t ready….
All of my studies point to this: letting go of shame requires two steps, and I have only been taking the first step.
- Repent. Confess the sin to God. Hand over the shame to Jesus.
- Accept forgiveness. Replace the burden (aka “cone”) of shame with His yoke (Matthew 11:29-30)
Shame is the equivalent of a dirty face; it’s refusing the gift of washing from Jesus, it’s dulling the radiance of Christ trying to shine through. As a Christ follower, I am commanded to repent, to be made clean, so that my radiance is on display to glorify God. Sin causes shame.
Holding on to the shame is also a sin.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. Psalm 34:5
Let it go.
Accept a face washing.
Walk away with radiance.
It’s like I’ve stepped forward and presented my dirty feet to be washed by Christ, but then, like Peter during the Last Supper, refuse to be washed. Jesus’ response to that type of attitude?
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” John 13:8
Deep breath. Read that again and let it sink in. Unless I allow Jesus to wash me, I will not experience the full extent of what He has in store for me. Unless I allow Jesus to wash me, I cannot SHINE in all His Glory.
The nails that held Jesus to the cross are the keys that unlock my shackles, my chains, my prison door. First, I must accept that the nail is mine, that it was used to crucify my Lord, and to accept His sacrifice. Then, I need to confess, repent, and accept the nail as a gift.
Now I hold the nail in my hand. To open the gift, I must use the nail to unlock the shackles of shame.
The act of writing this post on SHAME, and sharing my struggle with you, is my attempt at turning the nail in the keyhole of my shackles.
May it be so.