Approval (noun): the belief that someone or something is good or acceptable; to have or express a favorable opinion of
Several months ago, I listened to a powerful podcast by Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School on the subject of “Other People’s Opinions. Her insights gave me a new understanding of this bible verse from Isaiah:
“Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults.” Isaiah 51:7
Brooke’s work is not necessarily “Christian” in nature, but yet many of her principles align with biblical teaching. The concept of looking for approval from other people is one of those ideologies. During this podcast, I jotted down many of the lessons and concepts she explained. Here is a sampling of them:
- Imagine this…I walk into a room with 10 people I’ve never met before. We stay in a group together, I share some stories and listen to others tell stories. All ten people see and hear the exact same thing. I walk away. The result? Ten different opinions about me, none of which I had control over. I can present my true self, a version/piece of myself, a fake self, and no matter, there will be ten different opinions of me.
- I could be the juiciest peach in the world, and some people still won’t like me. Some people just don’t like peaches. That doesn’t make me a bad peach!
- If someone likes me or approves of me, or does not, it doesn’t matter – that’s their business, it’s about them, not me. Having someone like me or not doesn’t “prove” my likability or acceptability.
- When I don’t get approval from someone else, it’s not about me. When I do get approval from someone else, that’s not about me either.
In his book “Present Perfect”, author and psychologist Pavel Somov explains it this way: “Evaluating yourself solely on the basis of others’ approval or disapproval can be misleading. The mere fact of others’ approval or disapproval of you is meaningless unless you understand and agree with the reasons behind others’ evaluations of you.”
After hearing Brooke’s podcast, I journaled this response:
I want to be the Best Me, the best version of myself, who God created me to be. Why? For me and for God. My “why” isn’t to obtain happiness nor is it to get more people to like me or approve of me.
Stop acting inauthentic in attempt to make people like me more.
Stop hiding in the corner because I’m afraid they won’t like me.
Stand secure in myself, knowing I am exactly who I need to be right now, that I am my best self.
God loves me right now and is also working within me to be more and more who He created me to be.
Let go of the opinions of others and the need for their approval.
Be Me.
Be All of Me.
The scriptural support for this attitude shift, this mindset change, comes from Galatians:
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
Trying to please people and serving Christ are in conflict, doing one prevents the other. When I focus on serving Christ, the desire to obtain approval of people dissipates.
Jesus calls me into a life of service. As I feel tendrils of discomfort appear in situations where I may be tempted to focus on other people’s opinions, I need only remind myself of Jesus’ instructions. Whenever I put my focus on serving others, the doubts and worries about the approval of others vanish. There is a big difference between serving others and trying to please others. The difference lies in the motivation, the why. I serve to please the Lord only.
Focusing on obtaining another person’s approval is an attempt to serve myself.
The meaning of “approval” carries an underlying measurement of worth. That is, if I gain approval, I have worth. If I do not gain approval, I do not have worth. This again, is in conflict with the teaching of Jesus. Our worth does not come from the world, but from our relationship with the One who died for us.
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. John 1:12-13
No other person defines my worth, only Christ, who claimed my worth when He died for me. Searching, seeking, and striving for approval from others will diminish my belief in my worth through Christ. Winning approval is not my intention. My eagerness is directed towards discerning His will, not towards gaining approval of others.
I already have a stamp of approval across my forehead, given to me by Christ when I asked Him to be my Savior.
It’s in permanent ink made from His Blood.
No other approval matters.
Pursuing approval of others distracts me from the one that has already been covered over me.
I am an anointed, precious, approved daughter of the Most High King!