Honesty (noun): the quality of being free of deceit, sincere or virtuous
I recall playing the game “Truth or Dare” as a teenager. What an exciting and anxiety-producing activity! Some friends seemed very at ease with selecting “Truth”, whereas others almost always picked “Dare.” I found myself stuck in the middle. Truths carried the emotional risk of being rejected or laughed at because of my answer. Dares, however, sometimes involved physical risk. Either one required great courage!
Choosing truth meant vulnerability, a willingness to open the doors of my heart for others to see something I usually kept in the dark. Vulnerability demands courage just as much as any sort of physical challenge in a dare.
Brene Brown, a social scientist who has conducted extensive research on vulnerability and shame, provides a great perspective on this. She asserts that when people hear the word “vulnerability”, they think of weakness. But when someone displays intentional vulnerability, the reaction by others is one of admiration – a recognition of the courage the act required. Brene’s opinion is that vulnerability is the most accurate measure of courage.
There’s been a great emphasis in the world about Kindness, a common saying is this: “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” I’m not disagreeing with this statement (and previously wrote about Kindness), but what about honesty? Where does honesty get put into the list of priorities?
Certainly, the best form of honesty is wrapped in kindness.
In Zechariah 8:16, the Lord commands “Speak the truth to each other.” This instruction feels a bit different than a command not to lie. I can refrain from telling a lie, but that doesn’t really mean I’m speaking “the truth” either.
From one angle, the dilemma is about what “masks” I put on. Where am I pretending to be something I’m not? But from a different perspective, the issue is about what I reveal. How much of myself do I expose to the world? To those whom I love? Even to myself?
As soon as I committed to writing about the word honesty, a song from my childhood started playing on a loop in my head. “Honesty” by Billy Joel (1978)
Look at these lyrics:
“Honesty is such a lonely word. Honesty is hardly ever heard…and mostly what I need from you.”
Could the lack of honesty in the world be contributing to the growth of isolation? Is that what Bill Joel is singing about?
Dishonesty leads me to hiding, looking for refuge in the darkness. A place where only self-pity, denial, resentment, fear, blaming, isolation, and guilt are found.
- When I’m dishonest with myself, I am rejecting who I am.
- When I’m dishonest with God, I am refusing His redeeming grace.
- When I’m dishonest with others, I am putting up barriers of true connection.
That does sound lonely!
Through Christ, the Light of the World (John 8:12), that darkness is eradicated. Christ knows both who I am and what I do. Psalm 139: 1-4 tells about how God knows every detail of my life, understands me completely, and loves me perfectly. Staying in the Light of His Presence allows me to receive forgiveness, healing and cleansing.
In the story of the Samaritan woman Jesus meets at the well, we read these words:
Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” John 4:39
Jesus knew this woman’s past, her present, and her future. He offered her the Living Water even while knowing her misdeeds, lies, and sins. What might it feel like to shout and proclaim, like this woman did, “He knows me inside and out!”?
A contemporary Christian song from a few years ago by Francesca Battestelli called “If We’re Honest” is a favorite on my playlist. I use it when I’m trying to summon the courage to be honest or to respond with compassion to another person’s honesty.
Truth is harder than a lie
The dark seems safer than the light
And everyone has a heart that loves to hide
I’m a mess and so are you
We’ve built walls nobody can get through
Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do
Bring your brokenness, and I’ll bring mine
‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides
And mercy’s waiting on the other side
If we’re honest
Honestly, I have so much more to understand about honesty! I am grabbing hold of this scripture while I continue to grow, to learn, and to practice “speaking truth” to others:
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life.” John 14:6
Jesus is the truth. Jesus is honesty.
When I choose honesty over deceit, I choose Jesus over Satan.
I am commanded in scripture to “clothe myself in Christ” (Romans 13:14).
Therefore, when I live in honesty, I am living in the Truth, which is Christ.
Honesty may be a “lonely” word, but it’s where Christ can be found.
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One cannot write about HONESTY without the mention of Abraham Lincoln, commonly called “Honest Abe”. Although I consider Jesus my first role model as it relates to honesty, I recognize that I can learn from President Lincoln too. I found this article interesting about how he became known as one of the most honest persons in our history: Lincoln’s Honesty
In this article, one of his closest friends is quoted and revealed this about Abraham Lincoln: “He believed in the great laws of truth, the right discharge of duty, his accountability to God, the ultimate triumph of the right, and the overthrow of wrong.”
This sounds very Christlike to me!