Self-Control (noun): restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desires; to be in harmony with the will of God
I recently attended a Christian Women’s retreat with the theme of the “Fruit of the Spirit” as described in Galatians 5:22-23. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. As part of the planning team for this retreat, I had the privilege to facilitate the session dedicated to Self-Control. This blog post is based on the research, preparation, and result of that event….
Self-Control is listed last in the Galatians verse, but surely is not the least important of the character traits of the Spirit within us. But I can’t help to think, in looking at that list of beautiful words (joy, peace, love…), that the word “self-control” sticks out like a sore thumb! I compare it to how Congress often passes new laws – they create a package of improvements, and then tack on this one extra less desirable item that everyone has to accept if they want to get all of the other things on the list too.
I often looked at the list of words described as the fruit of the spirit and figured I could pick and choose which ones I preferred to focus on. But after delving into this scripture more, and understanding that the fruit is SINGULAR, I realize that it truly is a package deal. If the Spirit resides in me, I will emulate ALL of these wonderful traits, not just the ones I like better.
Honestly, I struggle with understanding self-control. And I certainly struggle with living out self-control.
All of my research into this word taught me this:
Self-control is a moment by moment dependence on the Holy Spirit to make the choices of faith in front of us. Every day we have countless choices to make, from what to wear or eat, which way to drive to work, how to react to disgruntled customer or a crying baby. We are presented with choices that will bring life to ourselves and others or destruction to relationships and situations.
Our bodily desires, Scripture tells us, are continually at odds with God’s Spirit and always want to be in charge. Self-control is literally releasing our grip on the human desires, choosing instead to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.
One of the main reasons that God wants us to demonstrate self-control is because He wants other people to see Jesus in us. When I allow the Holy Spirit to fill me and the fruit of self-control to grow, Jesus Christ is glorified, and others will be drawn to the Jesus in me. Normally when we lose control, people are repelled from us. Self-control can be a beautiful fruit that produces peace in our lives as well as creates harmony in our relationships.
The Bible translation “The Message” describes self-control as able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. I’ve also heard self-control defined as “Choosing to do what you should do, not what you want to do.” The next natural question is then, “How do I know what I should do?”
Jesus, our Mentor, demonstrated and exemplified Self-Control. We look to Him to answer this question.
On the night He was betrayed, he prayed “Father if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. Luke 22:41-42
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23
For me, the best example is recorded in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 4. Just as Jesus is beginning his ministry on earth, the Tempter comes to Jesus and offers three opportunities to sin, to be selfish, and to appease his human desires. Each time, Jesus responds by reciting Scripture.
Because of this story, I am confident that God has given us the way out of temptation through the Holy Spirit and His Word.
But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
As I was preparing for my presentation for the retreat, I was in the middle of reading “The 8th Habit” by Stephen Covey. I came across a small diagram that caught my attention, along with some words about “Free Will”. Taking this idea, combining it with the biblical meaning of self-control and my own interpretations, I created this diagram:
As I fine-tuned this concept, the “a-ha moments” starting rolling in. I now see Self-Control differently. Simply put: Self-Control is inviting the Spirit into each decision AND choosing to follow the Spirit’s guidance in that decision.
- I often fail at inviting the Spirit into this space of decision-making. When I feel “competent” to handle something by myself, I neglect to consult with the Spirit. I am not demonstrating Self-Control when this occurs.
- In the situations where I do bring the Spirit into the decision-making process, sometimes I ignore or dismiss the Spirit’s direction. I choose my own way (often out of stubbornness or pride) or choose to appease the desires of my flesh. I am also not demonstrating Self-Control when this occurs.
- And then I have those precious moments where I invite the Spirit into “the space for free will”, listen obediently, and then follow the Spirit’s guidance… and I start to realize the true blessing of Self-Control.
In the few days leading up to the retreat, I planned to rehearse my presentation a few times, so I added this task of preparation to my daily To-Do List. I couldn’t help but laugh as I wrote the words “Practice Self-Control” on my checklist! But digging into the meaning of Self-Control has been such a worthwhile endeavor, I decided that even though the retreat has passed, I’m still keeping “Practice Self-Control” on my daily checklist.
For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. Titus 2:11-12